I am not doing enough, I am not capable of, oops I did it again, where was my brain?… these are the thoughts that run through my mind when I feel frustrated or disappointed with myself. I am sure I am not the only one thinking this way sometimes.
We tend to analyze, sometimes too much, our progress in life, compare our achievements to other people’s achievements. Often it can develop into severe self-criticism, stress or even depression. How to pull ourselves back to the present moment and not let those upsetting and usually untruthful thoughts drain our energy?
As a mother, I regularly get the feeling that I am not doing enough for my kids. My son is 8 now and my disabled daughter is 2. They are like two completely different worlds. I always wanted to have at least two kids. The ideal picture in my head was that they would play together and entertain each other and I would look at them smiling while cooking a family dinner. In real life, my kids have nothing in common apart from facial features. They have different needs, different games, different likes, and different lives although we are one family.
I struggle big time to spread my attention between them evenly, to make them both happy, satisfied, fed, entertained at the same time. When I think I failed I carry a lot of guilt about it. I think when the child is born every parent got injected with a dose of Parent Guilt and we have to accept that this is normal.
Apart from my family commitments, I am also building an online business that would work around my life circumstances. I do it at night. There is no other time available for me at the moment. I progress at baby steps speed, but this is the fastest I can do it. I am fully committed to this exciting journey which keeps me awake at night, but sometimes I put too much pressure on me and again those feelings of a not-doing-enough, not-being-enough kick in.
Drawing myself back to the present moment during meditation, realizing how much I am actually doing help me to avoid those nasty moments of beating myself up over things in my life. Also, I suggest considering the following ideas:
Stop comparing yourself to others
We live in a society, among people. We make connections. We depend, rely on each other. Of course, we would look at others and compare. I think that the concept “I am not good enough” is rooted in the mental process of comparing ourselves to others. How do we know what enough is? What does it mean “good enough”? Who does measure that “good enough”?
We see what other people have, but we don’t or what others have achieved, but we haven’t. We compare. However, what we forget is that every single person on this planet is unique, different, with his/her own DNA, fingerprints, eyes’ color, own talents, own abilities, own life path or destiny. It is totally in our power to become better versions of OURSELVES!
Be grateful for everything you’ve got NOW
You could hear this hundred times before that gratitude is a huge step towards the abundance. You start to appreciate life more if you are grateful for the small or obvious things in life like being able to breathe freely, walk with no pain or clearly express yourself using your mouth. My little daughter has a diagnosis that doesn’t allow her to fully control her body. Although she is a very happy and content little girl, looking at her made me realize how precious and fragile our life is. Everything in our body works like an enormous complex and incredible machine. We take it for granted!
Look around! You can see and that is a great gift already. Be grateful that you woke up this morning, that you have family and home, that you have food on your table and clean water. All other material stuff you desire will come if you make an effort. Or maybe you will realize that material stuff, status or splendid career might not give you that wonderful feeling of peace in your heart that you have now.
Even in the worst life situations, there is always something to be grateful for! I know this for sure…
Focus on how far you’ve come rather than how far you have left to go
One of the biggest causes of self-loathing is the need to “get it right”. We seek perfection and success, and when we fall short, we feel worthless and demotivated. What we don’t seem to realize is that working toward our goals and being willing to put ourselves out there are accomplishments within themselves, regardless of how many times we fail. We should give ourselves a pat on the back for trying, making progress, and coming as far as we have.
Close your eyes and find a quiet moment. Take a deep breath and place your hand over your heart. It’s okay to not have it all figured out just yet, it’s okay to not be in the same place as others, it’s okay to do life at your own pace. You are where you’re meant to be right now. Life will unfold and reveal everything at the right time when you are ready.
YOU ARE ENOUGH!
With much love